Gathering of the Clan

Police work in Georgia
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Author:  Colston Newton [ Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:21 am ]
Post subject:  Police work in Georgia

Recently, a female sheriff's deputy arrested Patrick Lawrence, a 22
year old white male, who was fornicating with a pumpkin in the middle
of a field at night. The next day, at the Gwinnett County (Georgia)
courthouse, Lawrence was charged with lewd and lascivious behavior,
public indecency and public intoxication.

The suspect explained that he was passing a pumpkin patch on his way
home from a drinking session when he decided to stop. He explained:
"As there was no one around for miles, or at least I thought there was
no one around", he stated. Lawrence went on to say that he pulled
over to the side of the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was
appropriate to his purpose, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy
his pressing need. “Guess I was really into it, y'know?” he commented with
evident embarrassment.

In the process of doing the deed, Lawrence failed to notice an
approaching sheriff's car and was unaware of his audience until Deputy
Brenda Taylor approached him.

'It was an unusual situation, that's for sure,' said Deputy Taylor. 'I
walked up to Lawrence and he's just humping away at this pumpkin’.
Deputy Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Lawrence. “I said, 'Excuse me, sir, but do you realize that you're having sex with a
pumpkin?’ He froze and was clearly very surprised that I was there,
and then he looked me straight in the face and said , 'A pumpkin? Sh*t
... is it midnight already?' “

Author:  Rancid C. [ Wed Dec 06, 2017 12:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Police work in Georgia

Oy vey.

Author:  Uncle Jesse [ Wed Dec 06, 2017 1:21 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Police work in Georgia

My limited exposure to the law enforcement in Georgia has left me with a very positive impression. I served on a grand jury in Gwinnett County several years ago and was very impressed with the police officers who presented evidence there.

I read, following the Univ. of GA's dismantling of Auburn Univ.'s football team in the SEC championship game, the Sheriff in Oconee County offered to reduce any speeding tickets by 5 MPH if the driver could prove they had graduated from Auburn University, feeling they had suffered enough to earn a deduction.

Author:  Doug G [ Wed Dec 06, 2017 10:33 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Police work in Georgia

Gwinnett County has grown so much, I doubt you could find a pumpkin patch in the whole county. As to people who'll hump pumpkins, the University of Georgia, a couple of counties east of Gwinnett, has an Animal Husbandry program. It would not surprise me if the Football team all majored in Pumpkin Husbandry.

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